Ten Vocabulary Words to Teach Your Baby

Due to the impending arrival of my un-named nephew, who I’ve dubbed "PM C Baby", I've compiled a list of ten vocabulary words which I think any mother should teach their baby. You can never get too early of a start molding their little brains and turning them into erudite geniuses. I find myself using these words every day, they are so important. I've also included examples for each word (most are baby themed!), to help convey their meaning.

1) Erudite

(adj): Having or showing great knowledge or learning.
My example: The sophistication of writing displayed on The Jelly Logs, indicates it is penned by a very erudite author.

2) Donnybrook

(noun): A brawl or fracas; a scene of chaos.
My example: A donnybrook broke out in the playpen, when the babies realized there was only one Tickle Me Elmo toy to share.

3) Skullduggery

(noun): Crafty deception or trickery or an instance of it; activities intended to deceive; a con or hoax.
My example: Dr. Thomas, whose medical license had been recently revoked, told the expectant mothers "If you give your baby a bottle every time they cry, you’ll be playing into their skullduggery. They’re not really hungry. Babies are just attention whores."

4) Verisimilitude

(noun): The quality of appearing to be true or real.
My example: A childless person may think Jon and Kate Plus 8 is the verisimilitude of what it’s like to raise a large family, but a real parent knows it’s much harder to wrangle several children when you don’t have a television crew and staff helping you out.

5) Ineffable

(adj): Incapable of being expressed; indescribable or unutterable; taboo.
My example: Good mothers do not express their ineffable hatred of that purple dinosaur named Barney. Better mothers tell their children that dinosaurs went extinct millions of years ago and it’s really some pervert with BO inside the purple costume.

6) Rapscallion

(noun): A mischievous person; a rascal; a scoundrel.
My example: Her preschool teachers chose not to use her real name, Jocelyn, but instead began calling her Miss Rapscallion Grand Evil One.

7) Roustabout

(noun): A laborer employed for temporary or unskilled jobs; a circus laborer; a deck or wharf laborer, especially on the Mississippi River.
My example: Little Jimmy had dreams of becoming a roustabout. Mother always told him he should aim low because of his ADHD.

8) Equanimity

(noun): The quality of being calm and even-tempered; composure.
My example: Despite the baby food in her hair, the feces underneath her fingernails, and the constant crying blasting over the baby monitor, young Jeanie displayed remarkable equanimity as she watched the second line appear on pregnancy test she was holding in her hands.

9) Salubrious

(adj): Promoting health or well-being; wholesome.
My example: "What is this salubrious beverage I am drinking?" the young lady asked. "It is champagne, but of course" her loving companion answered.

10) Zaftig

(adj): Full-bosomed; having a full, shapely figure.
My example: The zaftig mother on the cover of this month’s issue of American Baby exhibits the benefits of effective breastfeeding.