Thursday, July 21, 2011


Do you ever type a word and then Google it to make sure you're using it properly? I just did that with the title of this post: Limbo. Not because I don't know what it means (I do), but I'm curious what Google thinks it means.

First result was in reference to the game Limbo. The one where you try to walk with your back bent under a stick, with the stick getting progressively lower. I was never very good at this game. Probably has something to do with the fact that I’m 5’10” and my legs connect to my chin. When you walk on the tall side of life, playing games where the objective is “how low can you go” don’t end so well.

The second result was from Wikipedia and defines limbo as the following:
"In the theology of the Catholic Church, Limbo (Latin limbus, edge or boundary, referring to the 'edge' of Hell) is a speculative idea about the afterlife condition of those who die in original sin without being assigned to the Hell of the damned."
I don’t why, but this sounds kind of awesome to me. You’ve got to hand it to them. The Catholic Church is both creative and dramatic.

So technically I’m not in limbo. I’m neither playing a back bending game or floating in the afterlife (unless the afterlife includes wicked cramps like I have right now). But I do feel like I’m in an uncomfortable, uncertain place at the moment, both mentally and emotionally. Like I’m in the middle of a really boring movie and I’m thinking of all the other things I could be doing which would be much more productive, but I can’t leave or turn it off because I’m tied to the seat (if you want to have an experience like this rent Hereafter. It sucks.) And although I’m trying exceptionally hard to coax some creativity out of my soul, nothing seems to come out in a coherent fashion. Just like this post.

So while I languish in this creative drought, please say a prayer for me, so that I may use my dramatics to write something interesting for a change. Like a story about a camel with branches coming out of his ears whose name is Humdufalus. He sounds like an interesting character don't you think?

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Behind the Scenes at the Ranch

The Ranch, my husband’s family’s homestead in Northern California and the fabulous place where we were married, is an incredible place. I could spend all day staring off into the golden fields (if it’s summer) or lush pastures (if it’s winter), being completely absorbed by its serene vastness. And although I would generally opt to do nothing while we are up at the ranch except relax (with a cocktail of course), this is often never the case. Usually there are things to do, such as the following:

Trailer improvement. This time we planted a tree! Rolling Thunder wouldn’t be a proper home if it didn’t have landscaping. At the very least, it takes away from the fact that there are still tires sitting under the house from when we first moved it. 

Listen to country music. NON-STOP. Wes bought this portable, rugged boom box so we could have music no matter where we are on the ranch, which means we listen to music NO MATTER WHERE WE ARE ON THE RANCH. This is nice most of the time, but by the time the weekend’s over and we’re heading back to LA, I’m reeling from a country music overdose and have visions of killing anyone who has the name Garth, Toby, or Taylor, and says “yeehaw”.

Pest control. Cocoa does a good job getting rid of the most heinous pests such as lizards (insert sarcasm), but the rest of the suckers, like the locusts (as in Old Testament, Moses and the Ten Plagues of Egypt locusts), have to be chemically eradicated.

Natural selection got these ones (the little yellow dots floating in the puddle underneath the cattle guard). Turns out locusts can’t swim. Silly little locusts.

Tend to the animals. So this one's not really true because the cattle on the ranch are taken care of by the cowboys and Wilhelmina here… well she's a pig. She takes care of herself.

She might take care of you too by biting off your finger, but that's just a hunch I have. Feel free to stick your finger in her pen and prove me wrong. I was too chicken to try it.

And let's not forget: Stay cool. During the summer, the temperature at the ranch reaches the high 90's and low 100's, meaning you don't want to spend much time outside except if you're in the pool. I chose to stay inside and enjoy the air conditioning. A picture of me in a bikini might make you faint, so went with this one: the view from inside Rolling Thunder.

We'll be heading up to the ranch this weekend, as it's that time of year again: blackberry picking season. I'm sure your mouth's watering in anticipation of our delicious Blackberry Holiday Hooch. It might even get better this year if we pay attention to what we’re doing. Here’s to hoping!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Funny Honey

If there was only one thing that I could accomplish with each of my blog posts, it would be to make my husband laugh. It's kind of a strange thing to want, especially when I can talk to him in real life and not have to do it in this roundabout, blog post way. But I like spending my time and energy here, and I know he's one person (maybe the only person) that appreciates my quirky blog, so it's only natural I try and please my audience. And since I don't have some bizarre childhood story to tell, or some interesting current event to recap, I'm going to do this one completely off the cuff. So here goes…

First off, do you really think I look like a Tyrannosaurus Rex? I know you had good intentions when you said it… actually, I don't remember why you said it, but you clearly have me mixed up with some other person. Yes, I like to eat, but have you seen my wingspan? I'm the person that gets called over when someone can't reach the Tupperware that's hidden somewhere on the top shelf, not some miniature armed weirdo who can't even reach down and pick out the lint from their own bellybutton.

Did you know that when I was little, I used to pick my nose in bed and wipe the boogers on the wall beside me? There was quite a collection of dried boogers by the time my mother realized what was going on. I don't think you knew that, and now that you do, you probably don't think it's funny… I'm trying ok!

Do you know how I learned to be such an awesome dancer? I used to take dance lessons in high school.
Every day after school…
In front of the mirror…
In my parent's bedroom…
For five minute sessions…
Listening to hip hop and salsa music…
Being my own instructor.
Worked out well didn't it?

I'm thinking about getting a tattoo on my face. I'm deciding between "Don't Care" tattooed on my eye lid (Get it? Eye *blink* "Don't Care"... I don't care!), and "Your Ad Here" tattooed on my forehead, in case we get strapped for cash and I have to sell out my body for display advertising.

Oh, and guess what? Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday. Today i-is Friday, Friday. We-we-we so excited. We so excited. We gonna have a ball today!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

A Wee Bit Distracted

I can’t help it.

I can’t get his cubby cheeks, squishy little arms, tiny toes and adorable face out of my mind.

He’s such a sweet, whittle baby.

I’m so excited you’re here Baby Matthew! And I’m sorry I had to leave Michigan so soon. Thank you for letting me be your Auntie. I can't wait to see you again!