Ten Things - About Me

I had this idea on my run yesterday that I should have a “Ten Things” feature on this blog. Every week I will make a list of ten things, which will range in content and encompass a whole variety of subjects, such as “Ten Things I Learned Today” or “Ten Things You Didn’t Know About David Bowe” or even “How to Ask ‘Where’s the Bathroom’ in Ten Different Languages.” (¿Dónde está el baño? ¿Eh?) It’ll be a whatever-piques-my-interest-at-the-moment type of entry. And to start it off I’ve decided to make a “Ten Things - About Me” list. Woohoo!

1) If I had to choose between having the ability to smile or laugh, I would pick laugh. (I just had a vision of me on my wedding day, standing in front of all our guests, gazing at my beloved, and not being able to smile at him. I would have to laugh at him instead. How inappropriate would that be?!? But can you imagine, I would forever be remembered as the crazy woman who laughs at all the sweet, tender moments in life. I wouldn’t mind that.)

2) At a young age, I convinced myself that I would never marry someone who had ugly feet. Therefore I would predetermine how “serious” each of my relationships could become based on the other person’s feet. This might sound weird, but I guess I can say I knew Wes was the one for me after I saw his feet.

3) I LOVE to dance. Especially to Madonna. Confessions on a Dance Floor anyone? H-E-A-V-E-N.

4) Although I love to dance, I am NOT a good dancer. My style is more “free form” and “jump around”, with someone usually getting my elbow in their eye.

5) At the age of 25 I developed a mild case of Thanatophobia, which manifests mostly in the form of anxiety as opposed to fear. This is self-diagnosed of course, but there are only so many times I can go running an feel like someone is going to jump out of the bushes and kill me without acknowledging I might have a mental problem.

6) I used to want to be an actor, BUT IN MY DEFENSE, I grew up in LA and everyone here thinks they’re going to be an actor someday. Although there is no excuse for the $350 bucks I spent on headshots. That was a complete waste.

7) If I was forced to have plastic surgery on one part of my body, I would have it done on my boobs. I’m not sure there’s any other way to fix my acute case of “Renaissance Boobs” (yes, that’s the term I used to describe them).

8) I was ineligible to become a member of the National Junior Honors Society and wear gold chords for my 8th grade graduation because I received a B- in “behavior” (yes, we were graded on behavior at my elementary school). This haunts me still today. I even plan to call my memoir “I Got a B- in Behavior: How I Overcame Prejudice and Learned to Live without Fear”. Alternate title: “Look at Me NOW Bitches!”

9) I am very sarcastic. I hope that it’s not so prominent in my writing that you won’t want to read it, but I'm trying to “live without fear” (see #8 above), so I’ve decided against censoring myself and allow it to flow out of me naturally.

10) It takes me around 1-2 hours to write a blog entry. Sometimes I think this is because I am dumb and have trouble forming cohesive thoughts (probably both true), but generally I equate the substance of my entries with the amount of time it takes me to compose them. And I sure write some substantial, compelling stuff don’t I?

Never mind. Don’t answer that.

A Childhood Story

I got my hair did yesterday (exciting huh?), and my hairdresser is a very petite almost toxically sweet woman. We were engaging in small talk and exchanging updates as is common when you go to the salon, when I mentioned that my wedding is 60 days away. She did the whole obligatory "Ooooh mmmy goooodness!! How exciiiiittting! Wooooowwww. 60 daaays awaaaay!" (imagine that in the most airy, sweet and completely genuine tone you can). Then she proceeded to follow up with the question "So how long will you wait till you have kids".

Me: Oh, I don't know. Maybe four or five years. I'm only 25 you know.
Her: Oooohh. Reaallly? That's interesting. You usually hear most people say 6 months to a year.

Did she just insinuate that I should be starting a family in 6 months?!? Because I don't know about "most people", but this girl doesn't have the emotional, physical, economical, organizational (you see where I'm going right?), or psychological fortitude to raise a child just yet. Especially the breed of child Wes and I are destined to have. Should I elaborate? Ok, here's the dog food story:

I was a very energetic child, or as my mom would say "Jocelyn was high spirited". As a byproduct of this, I would spend most of my time outside, exploring our backyard, picking flowers from the neighbors' yards and playing on the railroad tracks. There was so much to be discovered outside with all the bushes, berries and bugs that my imagination was constantly churning. I would create stories about being in the wilderness, surrounded by giant mutated bugs, having to survive by foraging for food in the jungle and climbing trees to stay out of the hidden quicksand. You can imagine the strain playing outside for hours on end can put on a child, so picture my delight when I discovered a giant aluminum can full of snacks that my parents had left out in the yard. Now when my sister or I wanted to take a break from all the serious playing, we could wander over to the snack bin and grab ourselves a handful of the salty, crunchy treats. These snacks could easily last us weeks (it was a large aluminum trash can), and it probably took that long before my parents realized what we were up to.

And for this last part, there is video evidence:

Scene: The backyard.
Characters: Jocelyn and Paige (age 3 and 4 respectively), and Dad with a video camera.

Dad: Jocelyn, what are you eating?
Me: Dog food.
Dad: You're eating what?
Me: Dog food.
Dad: Paige, what are you eating?
Paige: Dog food.

(Our father's discovery and subsequent questioning has not deterred our munching)

Dad: Where did you get that?
Me: Right here in the bin.
Dad: How does it taste?
Me: Salty.
Dad: Salty?
Me: And crunchy.
Dad: Do you like dog food?
Me: Mmmmmm.
Dad: Paige, do you like dog food?
Paige: Mmmmmm.
Dad: So you both like dog food?
Me & Paige: Mmmmmm.

And this, my friends, is why I am scared to have children.

The End.

About Me

I updated the About Me section of this little 'ol blog, in case you're curious to see what I have to say about myself. It's over there on the right as a separate page called About Me (duh). I’m posting it here as well, so you don’t miss out on all the juicy details.

Happy Friday!

----------------------
 
Hi. My name is Jocelyn. Aka Jelly.
 
I live in the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles, affectionately referred to as "The Valley". I'm just another Cali Valley girl trekking through her mid-twenties and trying to cause trouble, but not too much.
 
I'm a constantly curious, frequently emotional and occasionally funny type of gal. This is what I look like when I'm pouting:
 
Age 2
 

The angelic one on the left is my sister. The demonic one on the right is me!

Age 25

Classic.

I used to work in the entertainment industry, where I scheduled meetings and greetings between the bigwigs of Hollywood. I started this blog as an outlet from my current job, working as the creative director/bookkeeper/tax planner/customer relations/photographer/administrator/everything woman for my Dad's internet marketing company. I spend most of my day on the computer.

Since I don't have access to Tom Cruise's home address and dietary restrictions like I did in my past job, I needed to explore my creativity elsewhere. Enter The Jelly Logs. Now I have a place to share the crazy little stories I used to write to myself, but now I write and share with you! The World Wide Web!

And just to clarify: No, I do not nor ever did have access to Tom Cruise's home address (he wasn't one of my boss's clients), so you're better served buying one of those star maps on Sunset if you really want to know where he lives.

I hope you don't find this site too offensive or dumb, although I can't promise anything. I'm just another Cali Valley girl after all. Stick around and we'll have some fun!

Not a Secret

If you can discern anything about from me from this blog, it is that sometimes I like to drink. I don’t think that’s a crime and I don’t think I have a problem. Maybe you can tell me otherwise. Champagne happens to be my favorite apéritif/meal/digestif of late. Lily Bollinger shares my sentiments toward champagne:

“I drink it when I'm happy and when I'm sad.
Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone.
When I have company I consider it obligatory.
I trifle with it if I'm not hungry and I drink it when I am.
Otherwise I never touch it, unless I'm thirsty.”

But there is one thing in particular that bothers me about drinking: having to see pictures of myself after the fact and where the effects of a cocktail are clearly evident. Alcohol causes my mouth to hang open awkwardly and my eyes to droop lazily.


The loss of facial muscle control is staggering. And no, I am not naked. I was wearing a strapless dress.


Yikes!

I know I’m not the only one with this problem (I have evidence), but in the meantime, please share in my embarrassment. Thanks.

Also, if you don’t understand the purpose of blogs let me instruct you (Robert). I want to read and write things that make me think, learn, laugh and… eat. And maybe I can get you to think, learn, laugh and eat as well. And if you stick around, maybe just once, I can aid in getting you laid. No promises.

The River Styx

Hey it’s 420! Wow, I really don’t care.
I love the Classics, and by that I mean I love the Greek and Roman Classics. Sometimes I forget how obsessed I was with these stories when I was younger - the romance, violence, magic, and of course, the Gods. I seriously planned on naming my first girl Callisto after a character in Xena: Warrior Princess.
I would imagine living in their world, encountering the demons and experiencing the miracles, and having a tragic romance sabotaged by the Gods. That was my idea of a perfect life, filled with adventure, romance and destiny. I don’t think that WAS my idea of a perfect life. That IS my idea of a perfect life! Now all I need is to solicit the attention of Hades and I can live out my fantasy (I always secretly wanted to be Persephone).

The Jelly Logs

Captain's log, Stardate 2010.2.
There is much activity within the mind of the Jellyprise. Planets to explore, new races to encounter, what to eat for lunch. Her vessel is slow moving, over laden with substantial rear landing gear. It is necessary to advise the maintenance crews to immediately start working on this hindrance. I believe 50% of it could be removed and not jeopardize the integrity and safety of our mission. Where have the maintenance crews gone? … They’re on strike? Apparently the Jellyprise is an unsafe, emotionally void vessel with low pay and scarce vacation time. Captain will have to address the landing gear issue herself. There are as many issues to address as there are stars in the sky, but this is our mission. To boldly go where many women have gone before. Except we’re going to have more fun.