Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Ten Things to Do to Solve the Post-Wedding Blogging Blues

Keeping with my not-so-regular “Ten Things” feature on the blog, I have created a list which truthfully speaks to my state of mind as of late. Without further ado, here are Ten Things to Do to Solve the Post-Wedding Blogging Blues:

1) Write something.

2) Write anything.

3) Tell the world how your now husband, got so drunk at the pre-wedding, rehearsal dinner/Cowboy BBQ, that when the party was over, he ended up falling asleep on the trailer’s porch (I will never let him live it down… it’s too classic).

4) Tell the world that the frustration I experienced from realizing that my future husband was drunk, sleeping on the trailer’s porch, the night before the wedding (!), induced a hysterical crying fit and several “This is such a bad sign for our future together!” cries (I will never let myself live this down… it’s also too classic).

5) Report that “our future together” as newlyweds, at least during this last week, has been fabulous.

6) Also report, that due to the generosity of our friends and family, we have over 80 thank you notes to write. And I’ve done my half, so that means Wes has his weekend planned out for him.

7) Reflect on the fact that although I thought I could construct and render all the details of this wedding by myself, there is no way it would have happened if it weren’t for my amazing family and friends. They spent countless hours digging themselves out from under the myriad of last minute tasks I piled on top of them, and I will be forever grateful (especially because I made it through the weekend with my sanity intact).

8) Part of the insane, Bridezilla tasks I came up with the week before the wedding, was constructing a 14 bulb, paper lantern chandelier which would be hung over the dance floor. Note to self: creating such a large, illuminated light source in the middle of a cattle ranch will attract several things, one of which is BUGS. I think I swallowed about ten while I was violently jumping up and down to Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream”.

9) Feel lucky that your husband loves pop music (specifically Ke$ha and Katy Perry) more than any straight man should, which results in the best, impromptu dance parties.

10) And lastly, these have to be my two favorite photos (so far) from the weekend. Thanks PJ for helping capture the memories!

(Me and Cocoa at the rehearsal dinner/Cowboy BBQ)

(Pre-drunk-husband-sleeping-on-porch situation)
XOXO Jelly

Friday, May 13, 2011

A Temporary Interruption

Please excuse this temporary interruption.

And please have a beer in our honor.

We’re taking the plunge, jumping off the deep end, doing the unthinkable!

Well not really.

We’re just getting hitched that’s all.

And not to jinx it or anything, but I’m certain it’s going to be the best day of my life.

I'm a willful type of person.

See you on the flip side!

XOXO Jelly

Mini Ranch Tour: Part 2

(I had originally posted this entry earlier in the week, but somehow it disappeared. Maybe I was right about breaking Blogger with all the photo uploads, but we shall try it again.)

Shall we continue our mini ranch tour? The whole family will be heading up there this week and next for an exciting party we've planned, so it's fitting that we finish this non-comprehensive tour. Spoiler alert! There are cows. Lots of cows.

Now that we've made it to the other side of the creek, we can see how far our little trip has taken us. Out there in the distance are the two main houses. That's where the food, water, and most importantly, the champagne is stored. It's important to know the distance between you and a cold bottle of champagne at all times.

As we continue alongside the river, we see the most numerous, fuzzy, furry, meaty, stinky residents of the ranch.

The cows!

Cows, cows, cows. Excuse me. I mean steers, steers, steers.

Actually, I think this bunch is a mix of cows and steers.

I thought this shot was funny. Two white cows hanging out by themselves. Most of the cows/steers/bovine creatures on the ranch are of a darker variety, so these two are a little unusual. I'm not sure they know what to do with themselves.

Ok, cows we're coming through. We've got a ranch tour to finish!

Beep beep!

Coming through!

Generally, you're supposed to slow down when you pass by a cow on the ranch. This is because (and I hate to break it to you) cows are not the smartest creatures. They've been known to run INTO oncoming traffic.

These fellas were smart and decided to run in the opposite direction.

That's good, because I would've been pissed if they knocked us off and I spilled my champagne.

Just kidding! I had already finished my champagne by then.

(Did you see how far we were away from the house? One glass doesn't last that long.)

Due to my increasing thirst, we decided to head back to the house.

And on our way, we passed by another typical sight you see when you're out tooling around the town. Farming!

So now you've gotten a mini, non-comprehensive tour of the ranch. And I hope you've been paying attention because we will now have a quiz.

What's the difference between this one:

(Looking good)

And this one:


If you know, then you're more than ranch ready.

Friday, May 6, 2011

15 Days Away

This was 8 months ago:

Now we are 15 days away, which means I have been:

Making wedding programs.
Gluing wood chips to frames to make drink menu displays.
Wondering where my paycheck has gone for the last 6 months (because it sure as hell isn’t in my bank account anymore).
Visiting the Dollar Tree like a Martha Stewart crafting lunatic.
Buying copious amounts of alcohol.
Wondering where my paycheck has gone for the last 6 months (oh wait, I already said that… but did I mention that weddings are freaking expense?)
Trying not to act like Bridezilla, even though I’m single-handedly organizing this shindig. Obsessed should not be confused with painstakingly organized, because I consider myself the latter.

So if you don’t hear from me for a couple days, it’s because we’re coming into the homestretch. And my super cool, super pregnant sister came into town today! Which means I’m going to be scrutinizing the wonders of pregnancy. (It’s amazing how elastic human skin is! It’s crazy!)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Mini Ranch Tour: Part I

This is by no means a comprehensive ranch tour. If I tried to take pictures of all the aspects of the ranch and upload them here on Blogger, I’d probably break the thing, and Google would give me a nasty call. So, in an effort to keep the photo overload to a minimum, I’m going to break this Mini Ranch Tour into two parts. Here’s the first part (highlights include crossing a creek!):

If you want to take a ranch tour, it’s best to find some wheels.

It also helps to have company.

I prefer to tour with these two hooligans. They're pretty good company.

If you're in the backseat, try not to notice the obvious things, like your fiancé's head blocking your view.

Look around and enjoy the natural things, like the cows,

the grass,

and the dirt. Ok, maybe this is not the most exciting part of the tour, but you have to look beyond the obvious and embrace the rawness of nature on the ranch. That is, of course, if you also consider cow poop to be part of "raw" nature. At least it's organic…

And look! We're topping out at 32 mph. Yeehaw!

You can also notice your shadow, like I did.

We're now approaching Bear Creek.

Doesn't the water look inviting?

How about we take a dip?

Pull your feet up! It's deep!

Or if you're like me, leave them down and wash off all the dirt and manure that's been accumulating on your flip flops.

It's a long way across on a 4-wheeler…


We made it!

Next up, Mini Ranch Tour: Part 2. I promise there will be more cows, grass and dirt!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Ten Things - About Me

I had this idea on my run yesterday that I should have a “Ten Things” feature on this blog. Every week I will make a list of ten things, which will range in content and encompass a whole variety of subjects, such as “Ten Things I Learned Today” or “Ten Things You Didn’t Know About David Bowe” or even “How to Ask ‘Where’s the Bathroom’ in Ten Different Languages.” (¿Dónde está el baño? ¿Eh?) It’ll be a whatever-piques-my-interest-at-the-moment type of entry. And to start it off I’ve decided to make a “Ten Things - About Me” list. Woohoo!

1) If I had to choose between having the ability to smile or laugh, I would pick laugh. (I just had a vision of me on my wedding day, standing in front of all our guests, gazing at my beloved, and not being able to smile at him. I would have to laugh at him instead. How inappropriate would that be?!? But can you imagine, I would forever be remembered as the crazy woman who laughs at all the sweet, tender moments in life. I wouldn’t mind that.)

2) At a young age, I convinced myself that I would never marry someone who had ugly feet. Therefore I would predetermine how “serious” each of my relationships could become based on the other person’s feet. This might sound weird, but I guess I can say I knew Wes was the one for me after I saw his feet.

3) I LOVE to dance. Especially to Madonna. Confessions on a Dance Floor anyone? H-E-A-V-E-N.

4) Although I love to dance, I am NOT a good dancer. My style is more “free form” and “jump around”, with someone usually getting my elbow in their eye.

5) At the age of 25 I developed a mild case of Thanatophobia, which manifests mostly in the form of anxiety as opposed to fear. This is self-diagnosed of course, but there are only so many times I can go running an feel like someone is going to jump out of the bushes and kill me without acknowledging I might have a mental problem.

6) I used to want to be an actor, BUT IN MY DEFENSE, I grew up in LA and everyone here thinks they’re going to be an actor someday. Although there is no excuse for the $350 bucks I spent on headshots. That was a complete waste.

7) If I was forced to have plastic surgery on one part of my body, I would have it done on my boobs. I’m not sure there’s any other way to fix my acute case of “Renaissance Boobs” (yes, that’s the term I used to describe them).

8) I was ineligible to become a member of the National Junior Honors Society and wear gold chords for my 8th grade graduation because I received a B- in “behavior” (yes, we were graded on behavior at my elementary school). This haunts me still today. I even plan to call my memoir “I Got a B- in Behavior: How I Overcame Prejudice and Learned to Live without Fear”. Alternate title: “Look at Me NOW Bitches!”

9) I am very sarcastic. I hope that it’s not so prominent in my writing that you won’t want to read it, but I'm trying to “live without fear” (see #8 above), so I’ve decided against censoring myself and allow it to flow out of me naturally.

10) It takes me around 1-2 hours to write a blog entry. Sometimes I think this is because I am dumb and have trouble forming cohesive thoughts (probably both true), but generally I equate the substance of my entries with the amount of time it takes me to compose them. And I sure write some substantial, compelling stuff don’t I?

Never mind. Don’t answer that.