Monday, October 4, 2010

The Art of Drinking Wine

At 6:30pm, approach the host of the party and ask for a glass of white. Feel confident that the white she pours is going to be delicious when she mentions it is from her own collection. Taste and confirm previous thoughts. Forget to check the name on label; although it doesn’t matter much because you probably can’t afford it. Sit down to dinner and recruit friends with good taste (or large budgets) to sit with you. Open the bottles they’ve brought – one Chardonnay and one Pinot Noir. Start with the Chardonnay. Enjoy the fruity elements of the wine. Pour yourself another glass. Next, remove preconceived notions that Pinot Noir is not your type of red as your friends reveal that this bottle comes from someone with an enormous budget. Accept their offer to be poured a glass. Drink and ponder how expensive this wine really is. Pour yourself another glass. When most other dinner guests have gone home, realize that there are several unopened bottles of wine left. Help yourself to an unopened bottle of Rosé. Share swiped bottle with your friends. Loose track of time while finishing bottle of Rosé. Notice you are the only ones left at the party. Decide to go home. Feel feisty after drinking 3/4/you-lost-track glasses of wine. Arrive home and decide to keep the party rolling. Pop open chilled bottle of champagne. Pour you and your loved one a glass; and then another. Forget to check the name on label because you’re drunk. Reference the only modicum of common sense that is rising through your drunken state and agree not to finish the bottle of champagne. Check the time. If it is 11pm, it is way past your bedtime. Pour yourself a large glass of water but fall asleep before you drink it. Wake up in the morning, head pounding, and swear that you will never drink again. Drive to work and swear that you will never drink again. Confer with loved one that you will never drink again.

48 hours later, pour yourself a glass of wine.

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