Dear Santa,
This year for Christmas I would really like immortality. For the most part, life has been just swell, so I’m not sure I need anything besides things to continue on in this happy place indefinitely (don’t worry; the few grievances I have will be on my “Things I Have to Complain About List” which I’m sending to The Grinch). I’m at a perfect age for immortality too! It seems you chose to be immortal at the age of 75, when you had a big ‘ol gut, frosty white hair and failing vision (we all know Rudolph’s purpose). I feel you on the vision thing, but my saddlebags are rather light, my champagne butt is only at half sag, and my most recent weave really brings out the color of my eyes. Immortalize away!
And if you’re kind enough to grant me immortality, I could also use some super powers, like the ability fly and hold my breath for long periods of time, just in case I want to make a quick trip to the moon. If I’m going to be alive forever, I’ll need something to keep me entertained.
Also, I was wondering if you could grant my Lovies immortality as well. Christmas isn’t a time to be selfish, so I’d like to share my gift with him. And it’s pretty much two gifts for the price of one, so you’re really getting a deal. He doesn’t need a flying super power though. He prefers airplanes. He’s a pretty good pilot too.
I would generally say “please grant the world love and peace” as my closing wish, but as soon as I’m immortal I’m going to get right on the world peace thing, so you don’t need to worry about it for Christmas. I’ll have more than one lifetime to kick oppression and injustice’s butt.
Thanks Santa. I’ll be waiting for you.
Merry Christmas!
XOXO Jelly
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