Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Toxic Brain Matter

First off, yes, that is a picture of poo. Cow poo on a path to be exact. I couldn't find another picture that went as well with the theme of this post as this one.


I'm having one of those emotionally charged reflective days, and instead of scare you will all the gory details of my thoughts, I will just include a smattering of what I’ve written today.

The morning started with thoughts like these:

“I don’t understand love. And it’s not because I have a particularly unstable type of love, because that isn’t true. I probably have the perfect balance of desire, lust, thoughtfulness, understanding, commitment and patience; but there’s still something I don’t understand about it. I think it’s because I have the unfortunate tendency to look at everything and say ‘What’s the point?’ ”

Which eventually progressed to this:

“According to the dictionary, LOVE is: affection, attraction, attachment, devotion and unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for another. According to the dictionary, MONEY is: something generally accepted as a medium of exchange, a measure of value and wealth, or a means of payment.”

Then continued with a little bit of this:

“Why doesn’t once-in-a-lifetime feel like once-in-a-lifetime? Why do certain things that are of such little significance become such a big deal? Why is so easy to harbor a grudge and so hard to break one? Why am I so hard on myself?”

And as of 2:30 this afternoon, ended with this:

“Do you ever feel like your mind’s a cage? Like you’re stuck in there with a bunch of crazy inmates and there’s no way out? You’re pretty sure that you’re the sane one and it’s your co-inmates who are crazy, but then why are you locked up in there with them and unable to get away? It seems no degree of sanity will free you from this cage. You just have to stick it out until the bars loosen and your mind is able to free itself.”

Yes, I am crazy. Why do you ask?

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